CATS and Alaska Don't Mix
by Rum Tum Tuggette
Summary: Revamped version of Cats Plus Alaska Equals Chaos. The actors of the videos must find their inner Jellicle as they are staying with the cats on a vacation in Alaska, courtesy of Andrew himself.
1. Chapter 1

_"You're useless!"_

_Elina grunted in pain as she was thrown down, she looked up fearfully at the figure standing above her._

_"Time to put this little kitten down..." the figure said with a malicious grin, getting it's claws out._

"NO!" Elina screamed as she jumped awake, then gasped and looked around. Thank Bast, she was still in her own room.

"Ugh, it was just a dream...he can't come back." she told herself, rubbing her head. Just then, there was a kock on her door.

"Yeah?" she asked, straightening her hair. "Kitten, are you alright?" Tantomile asked as she opened her daughter's door, "I heard you yell." she said. "I-I'm fine, mom, just a dream." Elina said, "_A very bad one_..." she thought, making sure her adoptive mom couldn't hear it in her own head.

"Well...alright, get ready, we're leaving soon." Tantomile said, closing the door. Elina sighed and brushed her hair, then shook herself awake. She forgot they were going on some vacation to Alaska...wherever or whatever that was.

She stepped outside and smiled. It was a beautiful day, perfect for magic travelling (courtesy of Misto). "Mom, come on! I'm fine!" Elina heard a kitten complain, she turned and saw Electra cleaning her and Tumblerutus' kitten, Galen.

"Just a little more!" Electra said, giving her son a few more licks then letting him go. "Alright, go on, go find your friends." she smiled, he shook himself off, nuzzled her quickly and ran off. "Hard to believe you're not his age anymore." Elina said, looking at her 'little sister', remembering the days Electra and the other kits would play all day, but now they were grown, with families of their own.

"Yeah...kinda miss it, things were simple those days." The tortoiseshell said. "Tell me about it." Elina said, then saw a certain tom kit, "Hey Faysal, your papa ready?" she asked a black and white leapord spotted kit with a mane. "Almost!" Faysal called back.

Elina nodded, Misto was the 'papa' of his and Tugger's twins, Amarina and Faysal. Being a magic cat and being mated to Tugger, it was no surprise when it turned out he was pregnant. Tugger enjoys being a father, to everycat's surprise.

Just then, the tux stepped out, stretching. "Let's get this started." he said with a small smirk, everycat slowly came to the center where he was, his paws sparkling.

"Everycat ready?" he asked, they all nodded or quietly said yes. "Then hold onto your fur..." he said, he lifted his paws and they were gone in a flash of light.

CCC

here it is! the long awaited remake of Cats plus Alaska equals Chaos! but with a better name!

I decided to make the kittens grown and have families of their own, just to show how much time has passed since the Jellicle Ball in the video.

And if you have any suggestions on how to improve this fanfic, please message me or put them in the reviews!

R&R please!


	2. You don't have them either!

Once they arrived, the cats were met with cold now against their fur and bone biting winds. "Holy Heaviside!" Elina said, hugging onto Tantomile for warmth. She had experienced winter before, but never like this.

"It feels like a blizzard!" one of Alonzo's and Cassandra's little ones, Elvira, said as she hugged her brothers for warmth.

"Look, over there!" Admetus said, pointing to a huge three floor log cabin that had lights on.

"That must be it, let's go!" Old Deuteronomy said. (Yeah, he's still here. I couldn't just kill him off, I love the big furry guy!)

They made their way to the cabin and quickly savored the warmth that welcomed them. Inside was a huge living room with about couches and a few chairs, a huge fireplace, next to that was a huge kitchen enough to fit twenty people.

"Whoa..." Elina said as she looked around, she'd never seen anything like it. Without realizing it, she started to explore.

"Sweet warmth!" Gail, one of Jemima and Mungojerrie's twins said, quickly sliding over to the fireplace. Some of the other cats joined him, eager to get warm.

"How many rooms are there?" Elina asked quietly, looking at the halls that seemed like a maze. How many cats were staying here? She assumed it was just them.

Tugger sat down on one of the couches, sighing. "I wonder why Andrew chose Alaska of all places...why not Florida? or California?" he asked. What he said got Elina's attention.

"Andrew?" she asked quietly, who was Andrew? Was he a cat too? Why hadn't they mentioned him before?

"Hello, Jellicles!"

The voice alone made all their heads turn, Munkustrap smiled and bowed a bit.

"Sir Andrew."

"I take it you're all enjoying the view." a man with a suit and graying hair said as he stepped down the stairs, smiling at the cats as he did. "It's wonderful, thank you." Munkustrap said politely.

"Excellent." Andrew said as he stood before the Jellicles then smiled as he saw the new batch of kittens. "I see your tribe has gotten bigger since the last time you and I talked, Deuteronomy." he said.

"Oh yes, I'm a great grandtom now." Deuteronomy said with a smile, then decided to introduce to have Munk introduce Jemima's little ones. "Gail, Mahina, come to grandtom." Munkustrap said. Gail and Mahina quickly ran to Munkustrap, hugging him.

"This is Gail, he has a bit of an accent from his father." Munkustrap said, shooting a wink to Mungojerrie, who chuckled a bit. "And this is Mahina, she got her beauty and singing voice from her mother." Munkustrap said, smiling proudly at Jemima who smiled shyly.

"Pleased to mee' ya!" Gail said, nodding. "Hi." Mahina said shyly. "Hello you two." Andrew said, smiling.

Elina was so curious. What kind of cat was Andrew? Before she could ask, the door flew open, revealing a man in thick winter clothing. Andrew smiled widely.

"Jacob!" he said happily.

"Hey Andrew! jeez, it's bad out there..." the man said, revealing he heavily resembled Misto. Once he hung his coat, he turned around and saw the Jellicles. "HOLY CRAP!" he yelled, jumping back a bit.

"Hi to you too." Tugger said sarcastically.

"A-Andrew, are those...?" Jacob asked nervously. "Yes, they are, Jacob." Andrew said casually. He then urged Misto to step forward, to which the tux did. "Jacob, this is Mr. Mistoffelees, you will be getting to know him so you can get in character." Andrew said.

"Call me Misto." Misto smiled as he held his paw out. Jacob slowly nodded and shook his paw.

"_Another one?_" Elina thought, what kind of cats were these? Were there lots of them?

Slowly one by one, more people started arriving (freaking out whenever they saw the Jellicles, to which Tugger rolled his eyes). Each one got introduced to the Jellicle they were playing, but not all of them had arrived.

The last one in had a thick black coat, gloves and boots, he shook himself off. "Frickin' snow..." he muttered, "Webber, you better have a good reason you...you..." he stopped mid rant when he saw the Jellicles. "Oh god, please tell me this is a joke..." he said. Elina widened her eyes, was it her or was this one...cute?

"I'm afraid not, Bryn...Plato." Andrew said. Plato smiled and gently slid his kitten, Placido, off his lap and into Victoria's, stepping forward. "Bryn, this is Plato, you'll be playing both him and Macavity." Andrew said. Plato smiled and stuck his paw out, Bryn raised an eyebrow and slowly took it.

After he got settled, that's when he noticed Elina. "Hey, which cat do you play?" he asked. "Uh...I don't play a cat..." Elina said confusedly. "Then what the hell are you even doing here?" he asked almost coldly, making her wince.

"Bryn." Andrew said warningly, then smiled gently at the girl. "I've heard of you...Elina right? Coricopat and Tantomile's girl?" he asked. Elina nodded slowly, he had heard of her? When? How?

That's when she realized something, these...people had looked a lot like her. Were they...special like her?

Without realizing it, she was looking Andrew over, then widened her eyes and grinned.

"You don't have them either!" she said, getting excited.

* * *

Well...how was that? Looking back at the old version, I've improved in my writing, which I'm proud of.

But what is Elina getting excited about? What doesn't Andrew have?

R&R please!


	3. Finding out

"You don't have them either!"

The outburst from the now excited teen made the humans even more confused. What didn't Andrew have? "I...beg your pardon?" Andrew asked. Elina brushed her hair behind her ear. "You don't have pointy furry ears! like I don't!" she said then grinned at the twins.

"Mom, daddy, they're like me! they must be my kind!" she said. The twins smiled nervously, oh Bast help them...they had been dreading this day since they found her as a baby. "How...wonderful, princess." Coricopat said.

That's when Elina noticed their expressions. "Hey...aren't you two happy? I finally found cats that are like me...in every way..." she said. "Cats? that's what you think we are?" Bryn started laughing. This was priceless to him. "We aren't cats! we're humans! oh god, this is hilarious!" he kept laughing. Elina widened her eyes, human? What the tail was a human? "Bryn!" Veerle Castelyn, who was playing Jemima, scolded.

It was what they were apparently...what she was. She looked down at her paws...hands? Whatever they were. They were shaking and she started breathing fast. She looked around, everything was blurry and disoriented. "Kitten...?" Tantomile asked, reaching out to Elina.

Before her paw even touched Elina, the teen ran off, panting and trying not to cry.

"Elina!" Coricopat called. "Let her be...she needs to think." Munkustrap said. Coricopat nodded slightly before sitting down and putting his face in his paws. He just hoped to Heaviside she didn't hate them.

CCC

Elina's eyes streamed tears as she ran, they had lied to her! All her life, she was a cat. And now she found out she was a human. "_I'm a cat, not a human!" _she tried convincing herself mentally, although her heart knew the truth.

"Why did they lie to me!?" she almost yelled, wiping her eyes.

"_Because they wanted to protect you."_

Elina looked around, nocat was there either was anyhuman. "H-Hello? who's there?" she asked. "_I am the voice of your head, dearie._" the voice said, it sounded like a sweet old lady who wanted to help. "_Now calm down, no more tears._" the voice hushed her.

"W-why are you here?" Elina asked.

"_Because you need help, and I'm here to do that."_

"Oh um...alright..." Elina said, not sure how to take all of this. "What did my parents wanna protect me from? I wasn't in any danger." she said. "_They were afraid you'd leave if they let you know that you were a human." _the voice said, "_The world is filled with many dangers, they didn't want to lose their only kitten."_

"That's true..." Elina mumbled, they were never her biological parents but they raised and loved her as if they were.

"_Now that you're all calmed down, how about going back and talking to them? they must be worried." _The voice said. Elina nodded then ran to find them.

CCC

Elina ran into the living room, where she found her parents being comforted by some of the humans and the other cats.

"Hey..." she said quietly. The twins gasped and looked up. "Kitten, we-" Tantomile started but was hugged by her.

"You don't need to explain...you raised me like I was your own...and I love you guys for that." Elina said. The twins smiled and hugged her tightly, getting a few 'aww's from some of the humans.

"Now that all that's settled...Elina would you like to know how to be a human?" Andrew asked, making Elina smile and nod. "Well then...humans, along with getting into character, you must also help Elina adjust to being a human." he said.

"What?! oh come on, what bull-!" Bryn said before getting elbowed by Veerle, who glared at him quickly then smiled sweetly at Elina and held her hand out to the teen. "Come Elina, let us show you the way of a human girl." she said. Elina's smile got wider as she took it.

* * *

well, how was that? short I know, but I'm trying to get the hang of it.

As for the relationship between Elina and Bryn, I'm making Bryn a cocky bastard who mocks Elina but slowly falls for her.

R&R please!


	4. Makeover

All the queens' actors, mainly the younger ones, took Elina upstairs, giggling like crazy. "Now we get an excuse to do a makeover!" Leah Sue Morland, Electra's actor, said.

"Uh, make over?" Elina asked, confused on what this 'makeover' thing was.

"Yes! We will change how you look, making a new you!" Veerle Castelyn, Jemima's actor, said. "But...but I like how I look." Elina said. "Oh of course, sweety, you're beautiful." Susan Jane Tanner, Jellylorum's actor, said. "But a makeover makes your confidence rise to a point you didn't even know." Kaye Brown, Tantomile's actor said.

"Uh...ok." Elina said, that's when Rebecca Parker took her hands and looked at them. "Did anyone bring a manicure set?" she asked. "Right here!" Leah said, holding up a small bag and handing it to Rebecca, who thanked her and sat both herself and Elina down, setting Elina's hands on the table.

"Uh...what is this?" Elina asked.

"It's a nail file, makes your nail tips smoother and rounder." Rebecca said, starting to file Elina's nails. Elina couldn't help but giggle, the filing made her fingers tingle. "Hold still." Rebecca chuckled.

Ten minutes later...

"And...we're done!" Rebecca said. "Wow...Elina said, her nails...they looked so smooth and new. "Now...let's pain them!" Leah said, getting a small suitcase out, she opened it and revealed nail polish of every color you could think of. "Wow! this is just like a kittycure!" Elina said. All the girls went silent. "A...what now?" Jo Gibb asked. "A kittycure! where queens get their nails done!" Elina said, "It's been ages since I got one...this really is what I need!" Elina said.

"Um...alright...what colors do you like?" Leah asked, deciding to brush the oddness off, giving Elina a chance to choose her nail polish. "Ooh, this pretty red and this sparkly blue!" Elina said. "Ah, Ton Of Bricks and Frozen Solid...nice choices!" Leah said, getting them out.

CCC

"So...what do you think they're doing?" Electra asked as she was grooming her baby daughter, Evangelina. "Said they were giving Elina some kind of makeover." Pouncival said.

"Shouldn't they be...I dunno, trying to get to know us?" Alonzo asked Andrew. "After they're done with Elina, then business will really begin." Andrew explained as he petted a purring Clotilda.

"Of course girls have to give makeovers...this isn't some kind of sleepover, it's a play we have to rehearse." Bryn muttered, making Michael hit him lightly. "They want Elina to know her own kind, Bryn, she needs girl time." he said. "Whatever." Bryn said, opening a magazine and reading it. "_Probably making her look like more of a freak anyway." _he thought, he couldn't shake off the fact someone like her was raised by cats, and he probably wouldn't like how she looked.

Or would he?

* * *

hey guys! sorry for the late update, a lot's been going on.

So any ideas on what Elina should look like after her makeover? feel free to submit them :)

R&R please!


	5. New Elina

"We're done!"

Everyone nearly jumped at Veerle's excited squeal, all the girls ran out and got into line, as if expecting to greet a princess. "We give you...the new Elina!" Leah said and stood aside. Elina came out and nearly everyone widened their eyes or let their jaws drop. She was wearing a green shirt with long white sleeves, dark blue jeans with a skirt on it, her hair was now done in a braid, with a red heart clip, her eyes were now decorated with blue eyeshadow and eyeliner, and she wore what appeared to be strawberry lip gloss.

"So what do you think?" she asked, mainly at her parents, who's eyes were widened.

"Oh kitten...you look even more gorgeous." Tantomile said, hugging her. Coricopat smiled and hugged her too, "You look wonderful, princess." he said. Nearly everyone gathered around Elina, bombarding her with compliments.

"You look amazing!"

"Oh gosh, that shade of blue really goes with your eyes!"

"I love that lip gloss! who got it?"

"That shirt is adorable!"

"Thank you, thank you!" Elina said, trying to thank everyone. Bryn was still in his place, jaw dropped, then he snapped out of it. "So she got a new look, big deal..." he muttered. "Bryn." Andrew said warningly, then turned to Elina with a smile. "You look wonderful, dear." he said. "Thank you." Elina said once again, returning his smile.

"Now then, let's get down to official Cats business. Actors, you are to take your assigned Jellicle to your room and get to know them, get into character." Andrew instructed, making everyone nod and follow the cats to their rooms.

CCC

"So...you're John." Tugger said, laying cat style on the bed. John nodded, "And you're Tugger." he said, making the cat nod back. "I guess when you think about it, we do look a lot alike." the Maine Coon said.

"Yeah but, you have fur, a tail, pointy ears, and you can't resist chasing things that are small." John said. "I do not do-" Tugger said before John threw a toy mouse he packed, just in case. Tugger widened his eyes and jumped off the bed, chasing after it.

"See?" John laughed as Tugger pawed at the mouse.

CCC

"How can you stand being around that Elina girl?" Bryn couldn't help but ask Plato, who was grooming Engracia. "She's like my sister, she saw me as a brother when I was a kit, and I'd appreciate it if you don't talk badly about her." The copper tom said. Bryn rolled his eyes and sat on a chair, "It's just she's weird, have those twin cats even taught her how to be a real human?" he asked.

"I just said-" Plato growled. "I mean how could she have lived with cats and survived?" Bryn asked.

"Bryn, keep saying stuff like that about my sister and you'll find my claws in a place you'll wish I never put them in." Plato growled.

"Alright, alright, I'll zip it." Bryn groaned.

CCC

sorry for the long wait guys, I've been busy planning for my boyfriend's birthday.

R&R please!


	6. Dinner

Later that night, they were having dinner which consisted of tuna salad, potato soup, garlic rolls, a roast chicken, steaming rice with butter, and mice stew for the cats.

Elina looked at her chicken and sniffed it curiously, it looked and smelled delicious considering Susan and Susie made it with Jellylorum's and Jennyanydots' help. "What is this?" she asked quietly but Bryn wasn't too far from her and he inwardly groaned. "It's chicken." he said, taking a bite out of his garlic roll, then almost facepalmed, "Please tell me you've had chicken..." he said, only to see Elina shake her head.

"It looks like pigeon though, that's my favorite." she said. "Really now?" Geoffery Garrat, Skimble's actor asked, getting interested, "Tell me more." he said. "Well...mom and daddy taught me to hunt when I was four years old, I always had fun doing it." she said with a nostalgic look, the twins saw this and smiled. "We had fun teaching you, kitten. "Tantomile said.

"What did your diet consist of?" Andrew asked, also curious.

"Well...mice, birds, any type of rodent that couldn't outrun us." Elina said with a slight shrug.

"What tastes better, a rat or a mouse?" Drew asked.

"Rat, obviously! occasionally tough, but _very_ juicy." Elina said, shuddering in pleasure at the thought of eating a rat.

All the humans were now asking her things about her diet. Bryn groaned, "Guys, enough about that! let's just eat." he snapped.

"It's not our fault we're curious of what a girl who was raised by cat's ate, it's interesting." Frank Thompson, Rumpus Cat and Ademetus' actor, said. Elina looked at him, surprised. "You think I'm...interesting?" she asked.

"Of course! it's not everyday, you find a girl who was raised by cats." Susan said. "Now then...eat your dinner, or it'll go cold." she said, taking a bite of her rice. Elina took a small bite of her chicken...only to start devouring it. "This is so good! better than pigeon!" she said, making happy kitten sounds without realizing it, making a few people chuckle.

Bryn glared, why did they find her so amusing? So she acted like a kid, that wasn't anything special.

"I'm...gonna eat in my room." he said, picking up his plate, taking two extra rolls with him. then got an idea and smirked.

"Hey, maybe we can show her how hot to shower, see how she likes the water!" he called out over his shoulder and left, making the humans look surprised, both Elina and the cats got scared looks.

"Water?" Elina asked, scared.

CCC

yeah, this wasn't much I know...I just wanted a meal scene when Elina tries something new and loves it.

and uh oh...will the humans teach her to clean herself like a human? or will they fail?

R&R please!


	7. Shower

"Water?" Elina asked fearfully.

"Darling, he's only joking!" Jellylorum said, taking her hand and seeing if it would comfort her some, it worked a bit. But when Elina panicked, it took a lot to calm her down.

"I can't go in water! I can't even go in the pond back home!" Elina said, getting up and starting to pace. "Elina, control yourself." Andrew said, trying to calm her down. "I can't! I won't! I CAN'T GO INTO THE DARK ABYSS!" Elina screamed, looking completely insane.

_SLAP!_

That's when everyone gasped and Elina head went to the side, Tantomile stood before her daughter, her paw up. Everything went silent as Elina held her cheek and looking like she was about to cry. Then her face straightened and she took a deep breath.

"Thanks, mom, I needed that." Elina said.

"Did you just-!?" Michael Gruber asked, shocked, before Tantomile cut him off.

"She tends to panic in serious situations, it's not the first time I've done that." she explained calmly. "Sometimes she does it twice!" Elina said happily, holding two fingers up for emphasis.

Everyone stayed silent for a bit, then Elaine sighed. "Sweetheart, if you're going to be a human, you need to clean yourself like one...how have you been getting clean all these years?" she asked. "Mom gives me tongue baths." Elina said, hugging Tantomile, and Tantomile hugged her back. "It's always been a bonding time for us." Tantomile said, then sighed. "But you're right...I'm sorry, kitten." she said. Elina made noise similar to a pollicle puppy whimpering.

"Now Elina...you may tell us when you're ready to give it a go, we don't want to force anything on you." Susie said.

Elina thought about it, it WOULD help get over her water phobia...and maybe it would help boost her confidence more...and maybe even get Bryn to be her friend.

"I'll do it." she said.

"That was quick." Fergus said as he ate the last of his chicken, then got up and put his plate in the sink. "The chicken was great!" he called back to Susie, Susan, Jenny and Jelly, who smiled and said thanks back.

"I'll help her." Jacob said, getting up.

"Jacob, I don't think..." Jo Bingham said. "Jo, I'm a gay, what am I supposed to try with her?" he asked.

(A/N: I have no idea, but I just like the thought of Jacob helping her.)

"True...try and see if you can get Bryn to help for once." Veerle said as she helped Jemima put dishes in the dishwasher. "Will do, come on." Jacob said, taking Elina hand and leading her to one of the many bathrooms.

"Stay here." he said, then ran to Bryn's room and knocked on the door. "What?" Bryn asked irritably as he opened the door. "Bryn, I can't believe I'm about to say this but..." he said.

"What? spit it out!" Bryn said.

"I need your help giving Elina a shower." Jacob said.

"...What?" 

* * *

Yup.

I believe I've gone mad.

Beautifully mad.

What do you think will happen? Will Bryn try anything with her? Why the hell did they think Bryn helping Jake was a good idea?

R&R please!


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